At the Halfway Mark

As the cliche goes, ‘…and in a flash, it was over’.

In a flash, half of 2015 flew by. In a flash, we hit 3 years and counting. In a flash, he got down on one knee. In a flash, I found a ring on my finger (yes, sometimes I still wonder how it got there). In a flash, those days of dreaming up a wedding was over and I actually had to get down to some realities.

Things do move quite quickly. Time expands and contracts. Quarrels wax and wane. Passion ebbs and flows. And no matter how I look at it, there’s nothing like standing at the halfway mark, to marvel at how two very imperfect and different people, even decide to journey the rest of their lives together. Of course, it starts with a bended knee, and a unique bling.

In fact, with regard to the ring, I think I gave a pretty demanding but reasonable challenge (what you get when you want to marry a teacher):

1. Don’t get me a normal/usual diamond.
2. I don’t wear rings, so give me a good reason for wearing the one you get me.
3. If it is ugly, I may say ‘Yes’, but I’ll put it in the box.

Teachers never really have all the answers, but they do have a lot of challenges to keep a worthy audience engaged…So I’d like to think.

In any case, his biggest surprise was the significance of the ring, more than the ring itself. I love the way J sees symbolism in the little things, and can bring value to something that is pretty much ‘just a diamond’ (like I said, I’m not big on jewellery). And I’ll never forget (or at least try never to forget), that beside the still waters of where we first held hands three years ago, he anchored the next part of our journey with Psalm 84:11 “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” And with a beautiful canary diamond (that looked like both the sun and a shield), he met all the demands of a pretty reasonable person.

So I said, ‘Yes’ (how could I not?).

Truth be told, I’d never thought we’d reach here.

There were tearful nights that we spent doubting ourselves and our relationship. There were times when it seemed like our differences would explode us apart. And there were moments when our pride made us feel like walking away from one another.

But there is beauty in the perfect love of God – that humbles us before one another, softens our hearts toward one another, and draws us back to the wonder of when it first began.

Because quite frankly, no one ever thought that we would make that deep a mark in one another’s lives when we first met.

What is love?

So today I was at my cousin’s wedding – a stylish and vintage affair, complete with the Volkswagon van for a wedding car and dinner at a retro restaurant furnished with old school furniture.

I love being at weddings – the celebration of love, romance and passion. Of course my favorite part has always been “You may now kiss the bride”.

It also so happens that this wedding is also the second wedding since I got attached. And from the perspective of being in a relationship aimed towards marriage, the quote, “(Marriage) is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God”, suddenly carries more weight than I previously understood.

In my late teens, my parents took on pre-marital counseling for couples who wanted to get married in my church. Some couples got married after that, others separated. My parents also counseled couples whose marriages needed some encouragement and affirmation – wrecked by many years of bitter words and distance, these marriages often reminded me that the wedding was only for a day, but the marriage is for life.

One evening, my boyfriend picked up Dr Gary Chapman’s book on love languages and casually read a sentence from the book. In gist, it was a reminder that it is pure bliss to be loved and to love someone. But the real test is when we do not feel like loving, but choose to love nonetheless.

It is a really scary thing to decide to give my life to a till-death-do-us-part commitment and to love even when I have to move out of my home, or to pay the bills, or to iron his clothes, or to spend the weekends cleaning the house, or to wipe baby poop. The scariest part is, I cannot really tell from this chapter of our journey, if the rest would be smooth-sailing.

But I think the assurance in the possible leap of faith into marriage, would not only be the certainty of a man who would love for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, but also because God first loved us, His grace abounds and His mercies are new every morning – so we can choose to love daily.

The “you may now kiss the bride” feeling may evaporate, but kiss anyway. I doubt the feelings will always be the same. Instead, they grow with the seasons. My mum once told me, “I love your father more now than when we first got married.”

That is how I know that love is not just a feeling. Love is a verb.