Dear Baby Z,
As I waltz you to sleep in my arms today, I thought back to how four and a half weeks ago, you were tinier than your current tiny self. And how at that moment when mummy and daddy felt so small, and alone at the start of our parenting journey, our big God reminded us how ‘God remembers’ (which is what your name means) and will never forsake us.
Back then, I was unprepared for the challenges of breastfeeding you and did not understand your cries when you wanted milk. We had thought you just wanted a cuddle or a nappy change. My nipples were cracked and painful from your excellent suckling, so I struggled to nurse too. Not feeding enough resulted in you having pink pee – a sign of dehydration. Then, on the day that we were going to be discharged, we were told that you had to stay behind because you developed jaundice.
To be honest, mummy and daddy were relieved that we could go home without you. We had needed some time alone together to process the whirlwind of your birth and all the excitement, tiredness, and new responsibilities. But somehow by the time we reached home, both of us were in tears – admittedly overwhelmed by all the ‘things’ we had to take note of and wondering if your jaundice had anything to do with our decision to try to exclusively breastfeed you when my milk supply had not yet come in.
We had felt so guilty and wondered if we would make good parents at all. Now at four and a half weeks, I would look back and told myself that I had been doing ok and it would have been silly to be upset about it. But, our big God is not like that – even when we are being ‘silly’, he never fails to fill our hearts with His gentle love and restful peace. In our helplessness, we prayed and committed our parenthood to Him, and God just reminded us of another little baby He took care of. This little baby had to go through more challenges than you did. And his mummy was much braver than I was. That little baby was Moses.
In a time when he was almost killed, baby Moses’ mother put him in a basket and sent him down the river not knowing where he would end up but trusting God’s hand to protect him. Down that river and through the reeds, God’s hand pushed the current along till he arrived at the start of his destiny.
In that tearful moment, mummy and daddy knew that it was by God’s hand that you were created, it will be by God’s hand that you will be protected, and that events in your life, no matter how tiny, was all part of God’s plan.
Cuddle bug, know that we try to be the perfect parents for you even though we would never be. But you have a God whose perfect love will always cover you when we cannot.
Set Forth 